We're constantly amazed by the number of commitment-phobicmen we come across, so we were stunned to read a recent survey that claims menare now more interested in getting married and having kids than women.
Here are six reasons why he doesn't want to commit accordingto experts:
1. Peer pressure
Cecilia d'Felice, a psychologist, relationship expert andauthor of 21 Days To A New You, says they rarely want to be singleforever.
"After a while, empty, meaningless sex starts to lose itsthrill - even for commitment-phobic men. If guys see their friends settlingdown successfully, it makes them realise it could work for them too.
"A single man will notice he's the only one who hasn'tsettled down, and he'll panic. They often fear commitment when they don't knowwho they are, what they want, or where they are heading. They might have made acommitment before that didn't work, which means they lose faith inrelationships.
"Once they've learned who they are and what they want fromlife, committing to another person becomes a lot easier, but it's not withoutits challenges."
She adds: "Men often feel like they are in a sweet shop -there's just so much choice of a potential partner, they don't want to commituntil they feel like they've tried it all. In the end, they keep going back tothe type they like best and, if that happens to be you and you're in the rightplace at the right time, he'll definitely want to commit."
If you thought there's just one kind of commitment phobe,think again. Meet the men who won't commit and the signs to look out for.
2. He's a womaniser
"He's the one with a different girl in every Facebook photo.He keeps a list of future and past conquests and sends out booty call texts toa handful of girls every Saturday night. "He's fidgety and constantly checkinghis phone," says body language expert Judi James.
"He'll be all over you like a rash when you're alone butworried he'll be caught out in public. Test him by touching his hand in public.A womaniser will jump out of his skin."
Relationship expert Denise Knowles says the womaniser isoften terrified of you catching him out.
"Be wary of men like this as it's likely you'll be datinghis huge ego too. Have fun with him, but don't expect him to be the love ofyour life until he's ready to calm down," warns Denise.
"If you want something casual, then you don't need to tamehim, just identify that's what he is and accept it."
3. He won't grow up
This is the kind of guy who never lets his friends down fora girl. He makes fun of his friends if they ring their girlfriends or worsebring them to the club. Judi says: "If he always tries to treat you like one ofhis friends, he's clearly terrified of women."
Denise notes that this guy is also scared of ageing andbeing seen as boring but he can be tamed.
"Just make sure you realise there's probably not a lot ofroom in his life for you. He probably isn't going to change any time soon. Lethim see how cool and laid-back you can be. But be warned: relationships needbalance, so if you're looking for something serious, walk away."
4. Mommy's boy
This is the man who leaves his mom's home with loads of foodfor the freezer, he calls her twice a day, and hers is the only call he'll takeduring a soccer match. She's his first port of call when he has an emergency.
Judi explains: "He's old-fashioned and polite, and you'llfind yourself saying how nice it is to be treated with respect for a change.However, his ‘good boy' behaviour is mixed with the kind of arrogant behaviouryou get from a spoilt child, which is actually what he is."
Denise adds: "He'sterrified of doing anything that will upset his mom. Beware of men like this.If it's obvious that he doesn't think any girl is as good as his mom, move on.But if he's the kind of guy that just doesn't want to hurt his mom, then get toknow her, show her that you are not a threat, and let him see that you get onwell together."
READ MORE | From Ubuthe Uzobuya to Khumbul'ekhaya - The psychology behind abandoning loved ones
5. He's a broken man
This is the guy who didn't go out for months after he splitfrom his girlfriend. He has drunken rants about his "evil" ex and posts bitterstatus updates about her new man.
"His phone will always be on the table and he will grab itas soon as it rings," says Judi. "However much he claims to hate his ex, he'sstill hoping she'll call and say it was all a mistake. Test him by saying, ‘I'mnot like other girls, you know. You can trust me.' His show of contempt will bea giveaway."
"He might like you, but he'll avoid getting close becausehe's protecting himself," explains Knowles.
"He's terrified of getting his heart broken again. To tame aman like this, you need to acknowledge he's been treated badly. Get him to listfive ways you're different from his ex to make him realise it. But men likethis often need a kick up the backside, so tell him you're not his ex and if hedoesn't get over her, he'll end up a lonely old man."
6. He's the unrealistic type
He's the man who's had lots ofrelationships that have just fizzled out. He hates weddings (apart from thefree beer) but loves a bachelor party.
He thrives on the chase and always goes for the hard-to-getgirl, then doesn't call her back. Just look for the switch in behaviour when heflips from "hunter" to "hunted", says Judi.
"When you act cool he'll want to see you all the time, butthe moment you say, ‘Don't forget to call me tomorrow', he'll go into panicmode and act aloof."
Denise adds: "He's not a lost cause, he just needs to bemore realistic about his expectations. It's possible he's been let down in thepast, so if you want to make it work you need to find out what's driving hisfear. Be careful, though, as he might see this as getting too close and pushyou away."
If you're still playing the field or are in a short-termrelationship, it can be super fun to be with this man. However, if your aim isto have someone commit to you, this may be the right time you say your goodbyesto your current boyfriend and start looking elsewhere for a guy who's ready tosettle down.
