Keep your kids safe this holiday

The holidays are all about making happy memories, but it's also a time when we're frantically busy.

There's the rush of buying gifts, stocking up on groceries and preparing for year-end celebrations. With all this going on, it can be easy to lose track of your little one in a bustling supermarket or mall or at a crowded party.

But in a country where a child goes missing every five hours - and one in three are victims of sexual and other violent abuse - we should always keep a close eye on our kids.

And this busy end-of-year period is when they need even more protection, says Siliziwe Mbambo, a child protection programme social worker at the Saartjie Baartman Centre for Women and Children in Cape Town.

Mbambo and Dorothea Gertse, also from the centre, offer expert advice on how to keep your kids safe.

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What predators look for

Children are at their most vulnerable when they are unsupervised, especially on a regular basis, Gertse says.

"Being a perpetrator is a full-time job and they target children who are not always accompanied by a trusted adult, as well as children who are looking for attention, affection and love they feel they are not getting it at home," she adds.

"When a child has a bad relationship with a parent, there is a lack of communication or no communication. It is easy for a person with bad intentions to take advantage of that."

When in the care of others

School aftercare and babysitters aren't always readily available - or affordable. So, leaving your child in the care of a family member or friend is often a parent's only option.

"There are obvious cases where you can easily sense it would not be a good choice to leave your child with this person," Mbambo says. "But you also have not-so-obvious perpetrators.

"These are usually people you know well - a family member, friend or neighbour - and it's difficult to know if they are potentially bad for your child."

When you absolutely must leave your child in someone else's care, ensure it is someone you trust completely.

"Make sure your child knows your cellphone number or how else to get hold of you, and give them an option where they can go for help close by if needed," Mbambo says.

"Check in with your child during your time apart and ask the person who is looking after them to send you a few cellphone photos to keep you updated."

Also, be aware of child grooming. This is when a perpetrator befriends and creates a bond of trust between them and a child (and sometimes even the child's parents) to drop the child's defences for the purposes of sexual abuse.

In cases like these, your child may become secretive about visits or online activities, suddenly have new belongings or access to alcohol or drugs.

As we've seen in the news, men, and in some cases even women, in prominent positions have the potential to abuse a child.

"Ensure your relationship with your child is one where they know they will be listened to and believed should they feel uncomfortable around anyone," Gertse says.

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Child protection tips

• It takes a village to raise a child. Talk to people in your community about saying something if they see something.
• Get to know your child's teachers and friends' parents, especially if there's going to be unsupervised visits or sleepovers. Know who lives in their home so you can make informed decisions.
• Don't send children on errands alone. They should also never leave home without your permission and should be supervised when playing anywhere not within your sight, such as in the street.
• Be aware that sharing photos of your child and their whereabouts on social media could end up in the wrong hands.
• Teach your children to scream, as loudly as possible, "No!" or "Help!" to get an adult's attention and run away as soon as they feel unsafe or uncomfortable in a situation. Teach them they have the right to refuse any unwelcome, uncomfortable or confusing touching or actions by others, and to remove themselves from those situations as quickly as possible.
• Explain the difference between a good secret (a surprise birthday party, for example) and a bad secret (any secret that uses threats or that makes them feel uncomfortable or scared).
• Get your child a whistle to wear around their neck so they can use it to draw attention to themselves in the case of an attempted abduction at a mall or another public place. Childline South Africa also suggests always keeping a recent photo of your child at hand in the event you lose sight of them and need others to help search.
• Teach your child to never mention to any callers, whether on the phone or at the door, when you are not home. They should end communication immediately if the person pushes to get information.
• If they are playing outside, they should never leave their group of friends and never leave with any adult, even a friend or family member, unless they've checked with you first. Let them know you'll tell them in advance if you expect someone to fetch them.

Extra sources: dailymaverick.co.za, lawforall.co.za, parent24.com, saps.gov.za, thesouthafrican.com, timeslive.co.za, vukuzenzele.gov.za