Question
My wife and I attend the samechurch as a married woman who's known for lying and cheating. Ever since shegot married more than 20 years ago she's been cheating on her husband withvarious men, especially those who hold positions of power.
My problem is I know of threeboyfriends - one was her college mate, another her former lecturer and then herpresent one.
I often see her with this newboyfriend when her husband is working far away from home. He only comes back onweekends. It's said she actively prevents him from getting transfers to benearer to home so she can continue with her adultery.
She can do this because sheworks at the same place and knows the right people. My wife holds a leadershipposition in the church and has suggested we expose her to the church elders andher husband. She says this will protect our daughters and the reputation of thechurch from this horrible role model. Do you think this is right?
Answer
It's never easy to look atsomeone who claims to be one thing but acts in a different manner. But becareful of putting yourself and your wife in the middle of a conflict you couldeasily avoid.
What the woman is doing might upsetyou because she's a member of your congregation, but that doesn't give you oryour wife permission to pry into her life. No matter what information you mighthave on her, she's still entitled to her privacy.
What if you decide to exposeher to the congregation and they don't believe a word you say and turn againstyou instead? Or what if you don't have any concrete proof of what you're saying,and she turns around and sues you for defamation of character? Tread withcaution.
Huffpostadvices that you don't involve yourself in other people's relationships, becauseevery friendship is different, every marriage is different, and every affair isdifferent. There is no one answer to the question that will fit everyone, allthe time.
Some of us will have added complications if we also feel loyal to theperson we know is cheating, if we all hang out together regularly as couples orfamilies, if we know she's had painful history with this subject, if she thinksher relationship is perfectly fine, it doesn't give you permission to getinvolved in her life.
